It\’s been a long time since I\’ve blogged (or written anything for that matter), but my sister suggested it and even if no one reads it, she\’s right to suggest it as a good outlet. Which is what I need so desperately right now.
Things are hard, and I\’m not coping well. Newborn twins in the house, whom I feel completely clueless about half the time, resigned from my job yesterday after working every week of my life since I was about 14…after identifying myself through my work. School is so incredibly demanding right now. I\’m exhausted. I\’m going biweekly for treatment for my PNH and yet my platelets hang around 40k. My baby son may end up with a CP diagnosis and aside from PT all I can do is watch it happen. My husband is providing support through action which I am eternally grateful for, but I feel like I have zero emotional support. I\’m sad and overwhelmed and lonely and frustrated and exhausted and can\’t seem to stop feeling this way. I\’m having trouble walking, constantly running into things or falling, feeling nauseous and just generally not feeling like myself. Because of this (and my general apathy and weakness), I don\’t even want to attempt to take the babies anywhere by myself, and even when we go places as a family I feel unstable. I seem to have lost joy and my sense of humor about things, both of which I desperately need right now.
I know I just have to hang in there and things will get better, but I just want to give up sometimes. I am going to see a neurologist and getting an MRI. I hope that is the start of my recovery. I hate feeling like this. It\’s not me.
Cauliflower and Happiness 